You must recognize THE SIGNIFICANCE of living every moment.You don’t have to amplify it – just recognize it. Recognize history. Recognize you are a continuation of history. Stella Adler – The Art of Acting
Momentous occasions have a way of putting our personal journeys into perspective. Whether it’s a birth or death, celebrating a hard sought professional milestone or coming to terms with a career change or a decaying relationship, all of these experiences have a way of putting the BIG PICTURE in focus. Our past and the choices we’ve made suddenly become illuminated under the proverbial microscope. It’s as if at that moment we are stopped in our tracks half way up the mountainside to a catch a glimpse of the long winding road that we’ve travailed to get to this particular panoramic view. And whether that moment breeds a feeling of awe or confusion, the reaction is usually the same, “Wow, look how far I’ve come, how the heck did I manage to get here?”.
This past month for me has been filled with those types of deep, intense reckonings, the operative word being intense. I love that word. Break it down and you get in-tense, somewhere between the past-tense and the future-tense, beyond pretense is INTENSE. Last night’s movie premier for me was a wonderful celebration of my ongoing journey and evolution as it’s culminated to this point. I was also aware of every one else’s journey as well. From the veteran superstars who’s careers have spanned decades, to the fresh face up and comers who are just now stepping onto the scene, to us “journey men” who have managed to string together a succession of gigs enough to make a living, but who are still in hungry pursuit of that ultimate success. My whole day preparing for the premier was filled with so many thoughts and reflections, different memories fluttered back to me like homing pigeons carrying messages from the past.
Sharing the day with my 16 year old daughter June made me so sensitively aware that she is the only person who has physically been a part of my professional journey every step of the way. Her birth was the catalyst that caused me to ratchet up my focus on doing what I truly wanted to be doing. I remember thinking, ok now is the time to get serious and step it up, a common mental effect after having a child that continuously lingers on.
I also recently lost a special friend who played a major role in my development as an actor. His passing has brought a tidal wave of profound deep reflections filled with gratitude and spiritual significance. He was a writer and a director and if it wasn’t for him I really don’t know how I would have made it to where I am today. Charles gave me and so many others the opportunity to soar and grow as actors and to live out our dreams of performing Off-Broadway theater in New York City. I actually came out to LA with Charles and the his theater Co. and we put on a theatrical showcase that I was able to use to court my first manager and get the ball rolling out here in LA. I will for sure revisit the topic of Charles’s significant role in my life in future posts but for now I am going to continue sharing the subtle myriad of memories that colored the significance of my day.
The first actor I see when I enter the premier is Giles Marini of the “Sex and the City” movie who I haven’t seen in 15 years. The last time we saw each other is when did an ad for Jose Cuervo. I had just moved to LA and booked my first film role in “The Crow, Wicked Prayer ” and Giles was so happy for behaving not yet experiences his big break which would soon to come. Both of our teenagers were toddlers then and now he tells me that he had to borrow his sons car and promise to put gas in it just to get to the premier.
Earlier that day I was on my way to a fitting with Warair Boswell, fashion designer extraordinary when I turned the corner onto S.Broadway and saw the marque for the Orpheus Theater. My mind immediately flashed back 17 years earlier to the very first time I traveled to LA for a modeling gig. I remembered the feeling I had walking around downtown LA anticipating that my journey was going to inevitably veer west. I was standing on another great precipice, about to turn the page on a new chapter in my life, stepping blindly into a new journey with no road map or idea how I would navigate this new terrain but somehow here I am 17 years later…so many gigs later, still managing to not only survive but to strive continue to step strongly toward my ultimate goals and success.
The actors journey is definitely not for everyone and can be a very precarious path. It takes a certain type of person to be able to live their lives not knowing what the next day is going to bring. IT can be exciting and exhilarating or it can be straight up maddening. But for me the way that I’ve managed to preserver and maintain my passionate pursuit is I don’t take any of it for granted. Each moment, each audition, each gig,s each and every mentor, all of my life’s challenges and milestones all continue to contribute to the man and artist that I am perpetually becoming. I want to thank you if you’ve read this post. Thank you for caring, thank you for all of your well wishes and support, thanks for believing that my day is going to come….each and every day.
Today is another amazing day in LA and I’m off to another blessed gig, an AT& T commercial. Maybe it is not as glamorous as the last one but it’s just as important, each brick is another building block in the pillars and foundation of my career.